I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
