I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
