You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Bring me that man meat
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
