I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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