Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
