what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
