he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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