somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
