Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she peed on how many people?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
