Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
