I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
