so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
