So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
