He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i drank out of a bidet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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