I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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