So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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