god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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