I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
