I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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