So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
