So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
