i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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