He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
