Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
