Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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