I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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