some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
