How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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