2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
