just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
