omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
