My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
