My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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