someone get that fucking seahorse.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
