some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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