I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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