I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
