TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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