just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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