I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
