I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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