She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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