do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just googled if crying burns calories
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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