So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
