i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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