I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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