I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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