New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
