Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
