I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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