Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
