What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
