so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
