i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize