There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize