at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
