Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize