Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
