All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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