dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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