I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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