There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
