don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
