3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
