you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
