it's too hot outside to masturbate.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Randomize
