I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
