life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
